Mediocre Money

Hello, my name is Dungbeetle Dave Farrelmackis. I'm 20 years old and I'm going to be in school for 12 more years. I like Mike Piazza and popcorn. I am a federal highway slut, and that is how I make money.

With my expertise, I will guide your economic policies. HAHA!

Most recently I masturbated to 69 cheating wife porn while watching Sportscenter. I see big things in the future for Dodger 1B Wilmuck Mongtard, which is why my first economic slide-piece is:

• Buy Houses: Houses are good for living, pissing, shitting, and owning a dog in. In them you can watch Vin Scully sex a goat and masturbate to it with the razor edged top of a can of tomato soup.

On occassion I also like to go to the movies with pussy of the fairer sex and fart a black plague in their eyeballs. This is why I believe in Harvey Dent:

• Invest In Offshore Accounts: Texas is quitting America soon. Put your money there.

I am not a crook, unless you happen to catch me shitting on your doorstep. Then, I guess that's illegal. And I'll just go back to my U.S. Government class, which I've taken 7 times:

• State Quarters Are Cool, I Suppose: When you buy stock in a state quarter, you will have what I decorate my bedroom with. I am only missing South Dakota. Also, you are helping the economy directly by spending more money and spending it on money.

Good idea, commenter BaboonWampBalls2. Everyone could just play hangman. That might help.

For the last six months, I've been chasing the myth of Zapdos from my computer, which is proving harder and harder by the minute. But even with that, this team has no hope for this season. They should quit:

• Get Rich: In dire economic times, this is the best advice. Find a way to make lots of money, hide it in Texas or Switzerland, and buy a Pac-Man device. Sex a goat.

Yeah. Bye.