We Apologize

It appears that over the weekend, one of our staffed writers decided to fulfill his state-mandated community service requirement by bringing a busload of special needs children into our workplace. As expected in these potentially disastrous scenarios, one of them found himself fascinated by the computer that said writer left on and open to the New Post section. And, well, yeah...you all saw.

What you just read below was not a test; it was a mistake. It was a massacre upon the entire world of media. It was a backstreet mugging of an innocent language. It was rape. It was wrong. But rest assured, we promise to hold this deformity's parents accountable to the fullest degree for subjecting you, the loyal readership, to this unspeakable travesty. And by "this deformity," we, of course, refer to writer Jean-Luc Bertrand Dingleberry.

As of this post, that motherfucker of a blonde-haired, blue-eyed limp llama dick is skating on the thinnest of ice. If this trend of open-air idiocy continues, we will not hesitate for a moment to replace him with, literally, that 10,000 monkeys typing theory.

For the time being, however, feel free to send your local Soviet Phonebook writer a bag of steamed vegetarian turd.

Signing Off,
Your Fearless Leader